Patterns

It has been a long couple of weeks, being rejected by graduate programs and the sudden realization that I am an adult has kept me away from doing anything but whining and moping around San Diego. I lacked the emotional strength to want to think about anything interesting or even completely read an entire book. I seemed to wander about as an empty shell of my normal self, trying to simply make it through each day. For a while, I thought I was going to be trapped into a Sisyphusian pattern of simply waking every morning and doing the same routine as the day before. It was a tragic state bordering on “Emo” depravation.

Upon looking back at this state, (I am much better now, thanks for asking), I can not help wondering if humans have become doomed to repeat cycles. If our life is nothing but a pattern that we passively follow every day following the lines…wake, eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat. (Obviously slightly more elaborate, but that works as an example). I just could not imagine become a creature of habit, to extent that every day is the same they had 5 years ago. Camus sums up this issue here…

"The workman of today works every day in his life at the same tasks, and this fate is no less absurd. But it is tragic only at the rare moments when it becomes conscious."

Only Camus puts incredible emphasis on becoming aware of your pattern and making a choice change, to revolt against the pattern and live a life without it, one that is full of passion. However, there are people who find extreme comfort from living within this construction. They have accepted this life and find it comfortable.

Recently I have been struggling with notion that post-modernism puts forward, that there are no clear absolutes, no ultimate truth, that everything is relative. This notion seems like bullshit with considering the inevitability of patterns in our life. We are doomed to live in a pattern, either have it be life consuming or a pattern of rejecting patterns.